Trying harder

Winter can be the hardest season with kids.  It’s difficult to find a balance between giving in to excessive “entertaining” and just helping them to not go stir-crazy.  However, we’ve been busier this winter than last.  Matilda is older now and it has been relatively mild and not too snowy, so it’s easier to get out and about.

"Double triple hot chocolate!"

We are incredibly fortunate to live in a city with a lot of great indoor activities for kids, but it can get pricey and I don’t want the kids (especially Rowan) to always feel like we need to “go do something.”  For instance, Rowan LOVES Bounce-It-Out (an indoor jumping place geared towards ages 3-10.)  It’s not crazy expensive, but I don’t want him to always expect it and I also don’t want the novelty to wear off.  We have a membership to The Strong Museum of Play, but at this point it is very challenging for me to take both kids by myself if it’s busy at all because Matilda is a runner.  Rowan is good about letting her steer the way, but it’s still nerve-wracking.  We do go occasionally, and sometimes Ben or I will take just one of them.  We also have a lot of great libraries with big play areas, like the one in Brighton, so there are plenty of options.

His face really captures how much he like Ontario Play & Cafe

Having a great time (and burning energy!!)

And sometimes I just put on a movie and make a big bowl of air-popped popcorn and call it an afternoon.

Christmas Take Two

The weekend after my last post we were off to Liberty, Pennsylvania to spend the long weekend with the Gross Family to celebrate a belated Christmas.  We rented a spacious cabin to solve two problems: no one has a big enough house to comfortable hold all of us for multiple days and David and Liz have long had to drive much longer than everyone else to join gatherings in Ithaca.  The extra space was great and the property was beautiful.  We even got some gorgeous (but not overwhelming) snow flurries on “Christmas” afternoon.

Quite a view

Binoculars + camera phone

The extra space seemed to help everyone relax, however we’ve already begun looking for a new house for next year.  The small galley kitchen made cooking tricky, although we also vowed to simplify and streamline meal prep next time.  We’re also hoping to move a little farther South to make the drive times more equitable.  Overall, I was happy to be in a larger and more open space with more room for the kids (including a finished basement where they could be loud.)

Corning Museum of Glass

Oh hai!

I fell a little in love with walking around the frozen, quiet woods.  Sadly, I didn’t bring my SLR, but as the saying goes, the best camera is the one you have with you.  Ben and I both took a lot of beautiful photographs armed only with our camera phones.  I found the woods incredibly inspiring and I look forward to a getaway like this in the future when the kids are a little older.  I would have liked more time and space to enjoy and explore the inspiration I was feeling. 
 

I guess we're kind of cute. ;)

Winter breaks on breaks on breaks

February break was relaxing, although I might have tried a little too hard to “entertain” the kids while Ben finished up some projects around the house.  It also turned out to be an actual break from winter this year.  Despite the foreboding that almost 70 degrees in February in Western New York brings, it was nice to be outside.  We were able to go to Highland Park and Ellwanger Barry playground, two of our favorites.

Ridiculous.

Monster Baby

And now it’s March and we are entrenched in Winter II: The Unleashing, which brought hurricane-force winds that closed schools for two days (some longer.)  Right now, there is a Nor’Easter winter storm (named “Stella”) crippling the East Coast.  It looks like a normal winter day here in Rochester, but schools are still closed due to dire warnings that today will give way to worsening storm conditions (so far it has not.)  So, it’s Tuesday and we’ve only had one day of school since last Wednesday.  It’s kind of nice to be on an unexpected break, but once again the question is – to entertain or not to entertain?  And how much TV is too much?  And why do my kids like screaming so much?

Surprise trip to Palm Island

Oh look! Cousins!

Not interested in water right now :(

Themes: Aging, Birth, and Dying
Fortunately, when the kids aren’t screaming and bouncing off the walls they can be quite engaging and charming.  Rowan has been somewhat preoccupied with aging lately.  He is proud of being in Kindergarten and he’s excited to turn six next July, but he sometimes gets worried when he thinks about being an adult one day.  He frequently states he wants to live with us forever and he doesn’t want to be an adult.  He often proclaims that in addition to always living with us, he will always want to watch his shows and play with toys.  He still fancies Regina Spektor and particularly likes the refrain of one of her newer songs that goes “I remembered you older and taller, but you’re younger and smaller …”
 

A couple weeks ago we were talking while riding in the van and Rowan was asking me variations on “How old will I be when …?”  When he got to imagining himself at age 80 I said he might have his own children and grandchildren and maybe even great grandchildren by then.  He got worried and cried, “But if I don’t then I’ll be all alone!”  Then we started talking about how you can live with whomever you’d like, even your friends.  I described the basic concept of a nursing home, saying he could live with his friends and play games and watch shows with them when he’s older.  He seemed keen on that idea and it was the first time we talked about the fact that he will be old one day and he didn’t get upset.  

Rowan made his Valentines. <3

Matilda loves painting ... but hates getting her hands dirty.

Just the other day Rowan asked about reproduction, seemingly out of the blue (man, I’d love to know how his train of thought meanders.)  I don’t remember exactly when, but I’m sure we’ve talked about babies and pregnancy.  He said, “Why do you need an egg and SPEEEEEER-um to make a baby?”  It took me a minute to realize “speeeer-um” was “sperm.”  When I finally stopped laughing, I told him that that’s just how our biology works, but continued by saying that some people adopt babies who need a family to take care of them.  Rowan was VERY concerned with how it is determined that adoptive parents are good people.  I explained by first asking him if he thought our home would be good for a baby – he responded enthusiastically yes, it’s warm and we have good food and clean water and space! (We’ve been talking about gratitude for more than just toys.)  I said if we wanted to adopt someone would come check our house and talk to all of us to make sure it was a good place for a baby.  That answer satisfied him and made him very happy.

Fruit Teeth! :D

Rowan has also had some experience coping with death and he has dealt with it surprisingly well considering how sensitive he is most of the time.  Ben’s grandmother passed when Rowan was two, our cat Huck died the following year, last year his godmother Lauren’s aunt (who was like a mom to her) passed away, and just recently Ben’s uncle Bill died.  He’s usually good about talking about it and asking questions, but sometimes he gets worried and uncomfortable.

After we learned of Bill’s passing a few days ago, Rowan asked what happened when you die.  Ben and I told him that no one knows for sure and we explained both heaven and reincarnation.  Rowan had a little bit of trouble with heaven – he was worried about who would be there with him and struggled with the idea of “forever.”  We talked about it more and he seemed to warm to the thought of being able to do what he loves (trains and shows, obviously.)  He was much more taken with the idea of reincarnation.  He became very animated at the idea of being a kid all over again.  I’ve always thought that if reincarnation is real, Rowan is a brand-new soul.

Quick trip to Ithaca

Nom nom nom

Oh, so the Terrible Twos ARE a thing

Matilda, on the other hand, seems like she’s been here before.  Matilda is equal parts deeply adorable and totally evil.  We and others who experience her marvel at how expressive and knowing she seems.  She “talks” a lot more than Rowan did at this age, either with actual words, raw emotion, or both. 

ACCURATE

We went to Highland Park on a relatively warm morning the weekend before winter break and both kids had a great time.  Rowan did his usually racing and goofing around.  Matilda tromped around, keeping up with the big kids by running, climbing, and zooming down the curly slide.  I hope her pushiness levels out into confident assertiveness when she gets older.  At one point while we were at the playground a little boy was trying to engage her with something and she walked away.  When the boy followed her and tried to insist on playing with her, she stuck her hand out, yelled NO! and elbowed him aside.  I was secretly a little pleased.  No one is going to push her around.

When Rowan was approaching two we were all LOL what’s the terrible twos?  That must be a myth!  Well.  It would seem to be an accurate description of where we are headed with Matilda.  She doesn’t complain much in general – she’s usually happy to go places and try new things – but when she doesn’t like something it’s over.  She turns into a banshee.  If she wants something she can’t have, she screeches, spits, hits, bites … sometimes all at once.  My god can this little girl belt out the most blood-curdling scream when she is upset.  It’s horrible.  Fortunately, although her outbursts are intense they are usually rather brief, especially if we can redirect her.   

Matilda’s New Words (and words I forgot to add to the last list):

“Chee” (cheese or mac & cheese)

Ready!

Eggy

Bath

Baby (usually combined with AWWWW!)

Huggy

Uh-nana (Banana)

Spoon

Bread

Poop

Dirty

Bath

Help

Sorry
Pretty

MINE

Alright (sometimes sounds like "Hall-right" and can convey a lot depending on her tone)

What will spring bring?

I’d like to be optimistic, but regarding Hurricane Matilda I must be realistic.  It is likely going to get worse before it gets better.  And I know I’m not helping much – I’m not one of those moms who stays calm and soothing no matter how deranged her child becomes.  I go crazy with them. 
 

Crazy can be fun.

Once it gets warm again that should help to relieve some of the tension.  Running around outside is one of the best release valves for child-mania.  And I’m considering gymnastics classes for Rowan – he needs more physical activity but he also needs to learn physical discipline.  His gross motor skills leave a lot to be desired (likely a leftover issue from when he had strabismus as a baby) and I still catch him sitting in a W often.  He also has a very poor sense of basic body mechanics – which sometimes results in him hurting Matilda without realizing it. 

This school year seems to be passing much quicker than last – I’m already looking forward to summer projects.  I really want to do a better job with the garden this year.  The tomatoes did well in the raised bed last year, I’d like to make at least one more raised bed for our zucchini and squash.  I also want to grow more plants from seeds.  I wish we had been able to replace our tree this past fall because the yard looks really empty without it. 

I’m perennially frustrated by the yard.  It never feels even close to “done” or even very functional.  Spring comes, we clean it up, the bulbs bloom, and I think it looks great and this will be the year that our yard is awesome!  But then by mid-July I’m overwhelmed and just give up.  By mid-August it’s basically just weeds and tomatoes.

The yard isn’t really a metaphor for anything, but my struggles with it are parallel to all the other struggles.  I’m struggling to accept that nothing (the house, the yard, careers, finances, kid’s habits and issues, etc.) is ever “done.”  Nothing is ever done but I also must live with how everything is presently.  I am starting to push myself even harder by asking myself – am I really doing my best?  Really?  We all think we “do so much” and we need to “give ourselves a break.”  That’s all true, but I also need to be honest with myself about whether I’m really, truly doing my best.  And when the answer is no, I need to try harder.

Don't "wee-are-ee" (worry), Mom.