Mega Post: The Last 8 Months

The first year of Rowan’s life, I wrote in this space often because everything was changing so fast.  I kept up with it monthly so that I could keep track of how much he really was growing and changing and how much we were learning and adapting as parents.  I used writing to zoom out a bit; up close, our day-to-day life that first year was often incredibly challenging and exhausting and I felt awful a lot of the time.  I tried not to gloss over our problems – but I made sure to write down the best stuff, too, along with pictures to remind myself it wasn’t always terrible.

Now that Rowan is almost three, the changes are more gradual and our everyday life is a mostly pleasant routine.  There are still a lot of challenges – Ben and I still work opposite schedules, Rowan is going through a “NO!” phase, it seems like something is always broken around the house.  But it’s easy to have fun with Rowan these days.  He likes meeting new people and he warms up to new places and new experiences pretty quickly.  He loves seeing familiar family and friends and has become incredibly affectionate with all the people he loves (not just me and Ben.)  We can even take him to (some) restaurants (if they have fries and/or milkshakes.)  And if there is music, he WILL get down.

So: the last 8 months. 

The Winter of Basically Everyone’s Discontent           

I honestly don’t know how parents in small towns and rural communities functioned with small children this winter.  Here in Rochester we have a world-class toy museum, several indoor playgrounds, and dozens of libraries and bookstores with children’s programs.  Even with all that, we STILL almost lost our minds this winter.  And I PREFER colder weather.  Apparently reminiscing about this winter makes me want to write in CAPITAL letters.

 

The winter ... it comes ...

Still, it wasn’t all dreariness, cold, and epic storms (which we Rochestarians plowed and shoveled through, taking only two snow days.)  We kept with our tradition of getting our Christmas tree at Power’s Farm Market.  We played in the snow a little bit, although Rowan’s never been a huge fan of snow.  We made several trips to the various indoor play options.  And we drank a lot of “coffee” (actual coffee for us, hot chocolate for Rowan.)

 

So that face happened.

Rowan stares into the distance ...

I am not going to discuss Christmas. It happened.

Right after Christmas we had a fun new development: Rowan got a big boy bed!  We knew he was ready when he started sneaking upstairs at Aunt Kelly’s house – we’d go looking for him and find him hiding in one of his cousin’s bed, all covered up and giggling.  We were extremely fortunate that he was already so psyched about the concept of a regular bed and he didn’t have any real attachment to his crib.  The transition was extremely smooth.  Actually, I’m pretty sure he didn’t even realize he could get out of bed independently for the first month or so. J  Of course, eventually he did realize he is free to get out of bed; we sometimes have to remove his toy box from the room during nap time so he’s not distracted.

 

Oh so exciting I can't even sit still for a quick picture!

Around this time we had another welcome development: Rowan became a snuggler!  It’s not like he was never affectionate before – but unless he was sick or hurt or exhausted, we were lucky if we got the occasional quick kiss or fleeting hug.  Heck, even if he did get hurt he would usually push us away and just cry it out.  Finally, he has developed a taste for “snuggles” and we love it!  The best part is it’s not just me and Ben – he loves to snuggle with all his grandparents, too, and he happily gives big hugs to all our friends and family.

 

Snuggles with Ella!

So the winter ended (well, slowly faded away) with several more steps towards Rowan becoming a “big kid”.  I know a lot of parents who have had a hard time as their child moves from baby to toddler to school aged.  And I understand – I caught myself asking Rowan the other day if he could just stay almost three years old forever. But I’m also excited and interested to see the kind of kid Rowan is becoming.

 

Snuggles for Grandma Judy & Grandma Kay!

It does make me more than a little anxious trying to imagine a future that involves school and other away-from-home activities. I know my anxiety is about giving up a perception of control in my son’s life.  However, this fall Rowan will attend day care for the first time – just two days a week, and it is the home day care of a friend of a friend.  We are excited and I think this will be a good opportunity for all of us to grow.

And then I ran for it

I read a lot when Rowan was an infant, but then I started teaching again and often didn’t have the energy or focus for as many books as I would have liked.  The interminable winter was a good catalyst for getting back into reading and I started devouring books.  I read The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt around Christmas; it was easily one of the best books I ever read.  Besides fueling my insatiable need for epic narratives, The Goldfinch also helped to rekindle my somewhat flagging interest in making art.

 

Fog and warm rain ... walking down the Highline

The plot of the The Goldfinch is centered on a real painting by the same name.  Carel Fabritius is a Dutch painter who lived and worked in the mid-17^th century and was a celebrated student of Rembrandt.  The Goldfinch is one of very few paintings that he produced during his short life and that survives today.  Many people who are not art historians now know this because Tartt’s novel quickly became widely celebrated and she was recently awarded the Nobel Prize for literature.

 

New Jersey floats on fog

So it is probably not coincidental that the Frick Collection was able to convince the Hague to allow them to borrow their unparalleled collection of Dutch master paintings, which includes Girl with a Pearl Earring by Vermeer and The Goldfinch.  I learned about the exhibition while researching Fabritius’ painting shortly after finishing the book.  It was the week after Christmas and I learned the Frick had the exhibition.  But it would only be there until the end of January.

I did some quick mental calculations.  Could I really go to see the collection?  How would that work?  How much time would I need?  Could I even afford it?  I had almost settled on “surely, this can’t possibly happen” when Ben said he had friends coming to Ithaca from Seattle in a couple weeks and he was planning on taking the weekend off to go see them.  The mental calculations started whirring again; Ithaca is closer to New York City than Rochester is …

 

The. Best. Coffee.

 And so, miraculously, I found myself leaving Rowan and Ben in Ithaca for a weekend in late January while I ran off to NYC with Ben’s sister Gretchen to look at art, relax, and explore.  I thought I would have a full-blown panic attack; it was the first time I had ever been away from Rowan overnight.  However, the break from my routine and the excitement a finally revisiting some of my favorite places were distraction enough.  The never-ending winter even took a break; it was in the 40s all weekend (which felt positively balmy at that point.)

 

Because Times Square.

As we approach the reality of sending Rowan to day care part-time and, eventually, sending him to school full-time, I’m hoping I can summon the strength to keep my panic at bay and let him go live.  My parents were able to do that for me.  They managed to make me feel secure and supported without making me feel restrained or tethered.  I hope I can strike that balance for Rowan; my parents are basically my best friends now that I’m an adult.

The March of Never-ending Sickness

While Rowan was happily growing and changing all winter, I was stuck in a rut.  Well, maybe not a rut – more like trapped in a barrage of constant ailments and accidents.  The assault hit a fever pitch in March when some new, ridiculous craziness was hitting me literally every week.

 

Summing it all up.

I feel like I have been sick all year.  Even now, it’s July and I’m just getting over a weeks-long battle with asthmatic bronchitis.  I had issues with asthma and recurring severe sinus infections as a child, but as an adult I’ve been pretty healthy.  I think I lead a pretty healthy life – I get a fair amount of exercise, I drink lots of water, I eat well.  I’m just hoping I have put in my time and I can enjoy the summer in peace and in health.

Fortunately, Rowan has always been a pretty healthy kid (with the notable exception of his eye surgery, though that seems to be resolved.)  I hope his apparently robust immune system (and my apparently failing one) can keep up with day care germs come fall.

Play Obsessions

Again, I’m not sure we would have survived this past winter if we had been cooped up all the time.  My parents bought us a family membership to The Strong Museum of Play for Christmas; it was worth every penny.  Rowan was still crazy about blocks at the beginning of winter and he was really psyched that the Strong had an exhibit titled Little Builders.  Often he only wanted to visit that exhibit and build with the blocks or play with the various contraptions.  At home, too, he would build tower after tower.  He couldn’t get enough.

BLOCKS. ALL DAY.

Of course, the exhibition was temporary.  Rowan was a little distraught when it closed, but by then he had stopped obsessing over blocks.  During the latter half of the winter he developed a new fascination: TRAINS!  Fortunately, the Strong has plenty to fuel this new obsession and none of the train exhibits are temporary.  Another piece of good fortune: Rowan is not obsessed with any specific type of train, such as the Thomas line.  He likes Thomas, but he also likes going to the train yards near the public market, playing with toy tracks both big (at the museum) and small (at home), and sometimes we’ll just play YouTube videos of trains traveling the Scottish countryside.  Those “great big train” videos are soothing for all of us; they basically like a fireplace.  We’re planning to set up a train set with a play table for Rowan’s upcoming third birthday.  We’re hoping this doesn’t launch his obsession into hysterical mania.

BUT NOW TRAINS. ALL DAY.

ART

Rowan still draws a lot, though not as much as he did last year.  He continues to work on his “happy faces” and Ben and I often marvel at how expressive they seem to us.  Sometimes I turn them upside down and discover a new, bizarre face.  He also learned to use watercolors over Christmas (with Ella’s help) and he sometimes tries to render a happy face in watercolor.  However, he usually just experiments with the colors and water.

 

The basic happy face (early version)

Interesting sideways

The drawing below is my favorite.  I'm pretty sure Rowan was trying to draw a body, not just the face.  I gave him a bath one night and he was unusually interested in his limbs; he kept moving his legs and arms rather slowly and staring at them.  It wasn't like he was in a trance or anything.  I wasn't alarmed anyway, he seemed to be carrying on normally with his usual giggling and singing and talking.  Then right after his bath he got out his magnetic drawing board and made this:

Are those arms and legs?

A little while later he added all those lines ...

Rowan tends to be most interested in art when he sees me drawing (which of course is not surprising.)  Over the winter I used a table in our little office as a studio space and Rowan would work on the floor or at the desk while I was drawing or painting.  I have been trying to collaborate a little with him but I don’t want to force it.  I have had some success, though; the series I began after my trip to New York features background drawings by Rowan.

Watercolors!

Oh, hi ... can we draw?

The artist at work (or possibly just making a mess)

Spring in Ithaca

We spent most of my Spring Break in Ithaca.  It had just finally started getting warm and we spent a nice afternoon at Buttermilk Falls in what felt like a heat wave (it was probably in the mid-70s.)  We met Gretchen at the Falls and had a picnic and then played at the park.  I tried not to complain about the heat.  Fortunately I managed to succeed, because it was back down to almost freezing the next day.  Still, we had a good visit with the family and Grandma Kay watched Rowan one night so that Ben, Gretchen, and I could go out to dinner at Maxie's and a movie at Cinemopolis.

Yay! Throwing rocks!

Aunt Gretchen & Buttermilk Falls

Adventure!

Ben had to work the following weekend, but I returned with Rowan to spend Easter with his family and see David, Liz, and baby Miller.  Rowan LOVES baby Miller.  It was a short visit, but well worth it.

Getting all cozy

Hi baby Miller!

Mother’s Day

I haven’t had a bad Mother’s Day since becoming a mom.  The weather has been perfect every year and we always seem to be able to find something peaceful to do.  This year we had a breakfast of fresh scones on the deck and then we took a walk through Ellison Park.  Rowan was his usual show-off self, hamming it up for the camera.  I also got some beautiful flowers and the best card ever.

Indeed.

CHEESE!!!

 

Yup. This is our life. :)

Our super picky but weirdly cultured eater           

Rowan’s food preferences have not changed much in the past year.  Fortunately, he’s not getting MORE picky; he’s game for some pretty big flavors, but he still has the frustrating texture aversions.  We continue to use soups and smoothies to keep his diet balanced with adequate vegetables.  I was pleased to find that he LOVES pesto.  It is one of our favorites and I’m basically a one-woman pesto factory in the summer.  Plus, over the winter we discovered that we all like kale pesto.  So at least that’s another way to include vegetables and it’s an option for a dinner that everyone will eat.

I'll go ahead and master chopsticks, too.

Of course, Rowan’s diet is not all healthy, all homemade, all the time.  He still loves poutine (and basically any “fries and ketchup!”)  He would probably eat ice cream for every meal if we allowed it.  His ice cream preferences have expanded into more intense flavors, though.  A few months ago he tried the chocolate sorbet at one of our favorite ice cream places and now it’s his favorite.  It is INTENSE.  Ben has described it as basically eating frozen dark cocoa powder, but in a good way.  Plus, the delicious homemade waffle cone helps balance the richness of the chocolate.

I WILL DESTROY.

And suddenly, summer arrived

In mid-April it finally warmed up enough to spend time outside on purpose.  I think I’ll always remember the first time I took Rowan to Highland Park this past spring after that terrible winter.  He was COMPLETELY thrilled to be outside.  He was literally running around waving his arms over his head, screaming with joy.  I think basically everyone shared his sentiment.

 

Favorite <3

Such a happy kid! (Usually)

 June both dragged and flew by in a rush.  The school year ended on a reasonably positive note, though I’m still not sure what next year will look like.  There is still a lot that needs to be decided as we move into the new building, but those decisions are not mine to make and I’m hoping to spend the summer enjoying our funny three year old while also making time for myself to rest, draw, write, work in the garden, and not worry.

Hey, Daddy! Whatsa goin' on?

Love. <3

Fall flew by ...

So, this post originally started on the eve of the first day of school.  Sigh.  School has been harder this year and I have definitely felt much more stretched.  It was so amazing last year being able to have Ben home for awhile.  I really wish he could just stay home, our schedule is so stressful.  I wish I could envision it changing one day.  I suppose once Rowan is in school Ben could try to start working days ... but then again, we might have another kid.  Someday.  Oh well, we do have the summer to enjoy time as a family.

Rowan definitely changed this summer.  At the beginning of the summer, he was still very prone to anxiety and still needed one of us to be quite nearby in order to feel comfortable and to play.  We had made a lot of progress with playgrounds and visiting Grandma's house, but it wasn't until about mid-August that he started to really relax.

We spent a lot of time in Fredonia this summer.  Rowan got comfortable at Grandma and Grandpa's, played at the playground a lot, and learned how to do a somersault (sadly, I didn't get a good picture of that.)

Super impressed

Tumble Attack!!

Check out ma belly!

Working on his climbing skills

 In other news, Rowan definitely has a best friend.  We have started hanging out with our friends Kris and Emily and their son Miles.  We have known them for a long time, but since the boys are the same age we have finally started hanging out a lot.  I think playing with Miles has really helped Rowan to be a better problem-solver and more comfortable trying new things.  Actually, Rowan calls him "friend Miles."  And Miles calls him "friend Rowan."  It is THE cutest.

The boys mostly hang out at the playground, our houses, and the market - but we did manage to pull together a trip to the farm in August.  Sadly, this was before Rowan really found his bravery and coping skills - he spent a lot of the visit whining. :\  The boys did do some playing and exploring together.  And Rowan loves all the instruments that Uncle Kevin lets him use. :)

Exploring the farm

Sharing - kind of :)

Pensive piano player

Rowan continues to be very interested in drawing.  He still appears to prefer his left hand for drawing and lately he has gone back to the hilarious thing where he will shake his right fist furiously while drawing with his left.  He loves shapes and knows a LOT by name, including the basics (square, circle, triangle, oval) and the not so basic (trapezoid, octagon, hexagon, scalene, pentagon, crescent, etc.)  He is still mostly in the scribbling phase, but he will request that Ben or I draw a certain shape for him then he will "color" it.  He can draw a circle and he is working on the others.  The other day I watched him color in all the little random shapes created within one of his scribbles.  It's fun to watch him draw.

He really concentrates on it.

Cool, weird little symbols on steps

Must mean something to him

Rowan was really slow to accept the concept of the playground in general and even slower with swings.  He was willing to swing on his belly on regular swings, but it wasn't until he started hanging out with Miles that he finally gave the kid swings a try.  Lo and behold, he LOVED them.  For awhile in August and September, "going to the playground" meant swinging for a half hour straight.  Nowadays he'll try just about anything at the playground.

With another favorite: BALLOON!!

I still think of Rowan as a picky eater, although he's not really.  He definitely eats way more healthy foods more willingly than a lot of his peers.  He's just still texture-averse and not really keen on anything that requires much chewing.  This means lots of soup (he eats lots of varieties which I make and which contain tons of veggies), pasta (mac & cheese or orzo with tiny diced veggies), yogurt, some fruits, crackers (graham and pita), peanut butter, goat cheese, and of course the pouches.  We have had some limited success with french toast and pancakes.  He just won't do cooked vegetables or meat.  He seems to think mashed potatoes are some kind of poison.  He would eat ice cream all day if we let him.  Adorably, his favorite thing is poutine - hand-cut french fries topped with gravy and cheese curds.  Fortunately, this is a Rochester favorite.  We usually go to the food truck Le Petit Poutine, but he's also had it at the Tap & Mallet.

Sometimes he just wants ketchup.

He won't eat them, but loves to "help"

We managed to get down to Ithaca in early October.  Unfortunately, Ben had to work, but Amy came with Rowan and I for a quick visit.  The weather was beautiful and perfect early fall.  Rowan had a great time picking apples and eating donuts.  He also really enjoyed playing with Grandma and Grandpa - he even let Grandpa pick him up! And take him out of the van! And carry him away from Mama! It was crazy, it was like I didn't even know him.  In a good way.